A woman comes to me to deal with her bad choice of men. One after another.
She shared that she turns very submissive around men, although she is a strong,
smart woman that makes a good living.
For instance, her current boyfriend makes her drive all the way to his place, although she has a nice place of her own.
They travel together and have fun but his attitude towards her is dismissive. She feels they don’t talk about the important stuff. Whenever she brings up things that bother her in the relationship, he blames her of being a victim and a complainer.
I forgot to mention, although she is interested in committed relationship, the men she chooses seem serious in the beginning, but later on refuse to take things to the next level.
Her friends keep wondering: “why are you attracting such men, when you can do so much better? Why are you staying with them, even though they don’t treat you right?”
We decided to look into her early childhood experiences. Under a meditative state a scene came up:
She is in by the kitchen counter, standing on a chair, since she is only 4 years old. She is “Daddy’s little helper” and is having a blast. They are making soup with lots of colorful veggies while laughing and creating together. She feels very safe and loved by Daddy.
The soup is ready and she can’t wait to eat it, as she is starving.
“It is too hot, let me blow it cold for you” daddy says. She loves her Daddy.
A few minutes later she devours the whole bowl, and asks for more.
Daddy says she can’t have seconds because he doesn’t like to waste food.
“But I’m still hungry” she begs.
After some back and forth he gives her a second bowl of soup. Half the way through it, she tells her Daddy. “I’m full. I can’t eat any more.”
“I told you you!” he yells at her. “You never listen to me! you are a bad girl!” She is shocked at the outburst and freezes. Suddenly, her father pushes her head down, dipping her face in the bowl of soup.
“How does the 4 years old feel?” I asked my client on the recliner. “Anger, shame, fear and guilt” she replied right away.
“What did you learn from this scene about men?” I inquired.
“I learned to be submissive, to fear men’s sudden anger and listen carefully and do whatever they ask of me” She said quietly.
“Bingo!” I thought to myself. This is the root cause for her “irrational” behavior.
We did some healing and then she went home.
2 days later I texted her to see how she was doing, like I always check on my clients.
“I gave the boyfriend an ultimatum: Openly talk about the relationship and my needs in it or I leave. I didn’t hear from him since. Thinking of it now, I don’t understand what was I even doing with him.”
